I have no need to dream and brood now

I only meant to say that almost all this time I have been continually uneasy about you. I always imagined you one of those little creatures doomed to solitude, though conscious of being gifted. Like you, I was never fond of my schoolfellows. It is sad for those natures who are flung back on their own resources and dreams, especially when they have a passionate, premature and almost vindictive longing for 'seemliness'--yes, 'vindictive.' But enough, dear boy, I'm wandering from the point. Before I had begun to love you, I was picturing you and your solitary wild dreams. . . . But enough; I've actually forgotten what I had begun to speak about. But all this had to be said, however. But what could I have said to you before? Now I see your eyes looking at me, and I feel it's my SON looking at me. Why, even yesterday I could not have believed that I should ever be sitting and talking to my boy as I am to-day." He certainly did seem unable to concentrate his mind, and at the same time he seemed, as it were, softened. "I have no need to dream and brood now; it's enough for me, now, that I have you! I will follow you!" I said, dedicating myself to him with my whole heart. "Follow me? But my wanderings are just over, they have ended to- day: you are too late, my dear boy. To-day is the end of the last act, and the curtain has gone down. This last act has dragged on long. It began very long ago--the last time I rushed off abroad. I threw up everything then, and you must know, my dear, I broke off all relations for good with your mother, and told her I was doing so myself. That you ought to know. I told her then I was going away for ever; that she would never see me again. What was worst of all, I even forgot to leave her any money. I did not think of you either, not for one minute. I went away meaning to remain in Europe and never to return home, my dear. I emigrated." "To Herzen? To take part in the revolutionary propaganda abroad? Probably all your life you have been taking part in political conspiracies?" I cried, unable to restrain myself.